This is it, ladies and gentlemen. It has arrived. Two years after the groundbreaking The Force Awakens and a year after the completely forgettable and irrelevant Rogue One, we are treated with the next installment of Disney's Star Wars trilogy, The Last Jedi. I know this movie didn't get the same hype as The Force Awakens; but come on, would that have even been possible? Regardless, it came as no surprise that obtaining an opening night ticket was no easy task, and caused this movie-goer to crawl into bed well after 3:00 am. The fact that I'm usually not in bed before 2:00 is irrelevant. Despite the late start-time, walking into the theater, I was truly giddy. Hearing the opening theme song and reading the prelude got my heart racing like a rabbit, and I thought I was going to be in for one of the most amazing movie experiences I've had in years. The keyword being, "thought." Granted, my expectations for The Last Jedi did not match that of The Force Awakens, which makes my disappointment with The Last Jedi ever more...well...disappointing. Strap in, folks. It's gonna be a long review.
Well, let me cut the foreplay and just dive right into it. To be perfectly blunt, this movie was a mess. Beginning with the opening mission, so many battles and action sequences were just ridiculous, even by Star Wars standards. I understand that shooting a laser into a hole that is two meters across in order to blow up the Death Star is not exactly scientifically sound, but Disney isn't even trying with this one. At certain points I could've sworn I was watching a space version of one of the Fast and Furious movies. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the Fast and Furious movies to a certain extent, because at least they execute the nonsense in an impressive fashion. However, in addition to the battles in The Last Jedi being ridiculous, they weren't even a fun ridiculous--just annoying. The action scenes were cut to death and left nothing to be absorbed or appreciated. And would it kill them to edit the scene transitions with an effect other than a damn wipe? God!
It has been a while since I have seen a plot so jumbled, random, and disjointed as that of The Last Jedi. The producers had so much to work with, and tried to work in as many plot lines as possible, which proved to be disastrous. There were certain plot lines that I did love, such as Rey and Luke together in addition to what was happening on the Dark Side (I've always been a Sith kind of guy). My issue, though, came with the stupid sub-plots that were so numerous and unnecessary that I didn't even have time to care about any plot lines. Which really made me mad, because I really wanted to care about a couple of those plot lines! Furthermore, the sequence of events was utterly mindless. I can imagine the producers of the movie with a grab-bag of events, taking turns reaching into that bag, and using whatever they grab as the next scene. "Uh, sir, I think a scene from High School Musical 2 made it's way in here..." It was all just a nonsensical, disjointed series of events that left me dazed, confused, and angry. In short, the scenes were too short, plot lines were too numerous, painfully underdeveloped, and I didn't have time to care about any of it.
Let's talk characters. Contributing to a common Hollywood problem, there were, yet again, far too many characters. It's the jumbled plot lines all over again--just in character form. Supposedly "important" characters were not introduced until well into the movie, were usually terrible, and only showed up when and where the plot needed them. So many characters were so annoying, predictable, and wasted. Even characters I like such as Luke, Finn, and BB-8 were barely utilized and were forced to share the spotlight with annoying characters I just wanted to die. Also, the director decided to pay tribute to everything that was wrong with the "digitally re-mastered" versions of the O.G. Trilogy and the prequels, complete with useless CGI character animals whose sole purpose is to provide kids' toys merchandise. It's the Ewoks all over again, only somehow even more irritating, pointless, and painfully unfunny. Save it for your token princess movies, Disney. It seems to be the only thing you're doing well lately.
Speaking of being painfully unfunny, that is a great way to describe most of the script. So many lines intended for an audience of 10-year-old kids were uttered, causing the eyes of any true Star Wars fan (or anyone who isn't prepubescent) to roll backward in disgust. I mean, I get it--kids are now a large portion of the fan-base; but having a script cater a few lines toward children and building a script around them are completely different concepts. Even lines that weren't meant to be funny were so cheesy that I found myself looking at my watch wondering when it was going to be over. Believe me, "wanting it to be over" is the last emotion that should be felt during a Star Wars movie. I'd expect it from another installment of M. Knight Shyamalan's latest mumbo jumbo, but not this. Yet, unfortunately, that distasteful sentiment has officially been applied to half of the Star Wars movies. No lines, scenes, or events gave me the chills, and nothing was remotely quotable. And you know a movie is lacking in quotable lines if even I can't quote it.
One of my biggest issues lies within this movie's painful predictability. I know it would be ill-fated to expect a bombshell at the levels of Empire Strikes Back, but give me a break. I'm restricted under these circumstances because of my commitment to keep these spoiler-free, but it will suffice to say that there were so many moments where the producers made it seem like something super ballsy and unexpected was about to happen, but chickened out at the last second. I could almost hear them saying, "Wouldn't it be insane if this happened? Well, too bad, because we're doing the boring, predictable thing instead." All I can say is The Last Jedi gave me the worst case of cinematic blue balls I have ever experienced, and that just isn't good for anybody.
The best way I can describe all this is that everything that was great about The Force Awakens was dwindled into nothingness by The Last Jedi. Let me break it down for you. What I loved about The Force Awakens was that the transition from everything we loved about the old movies to a new and exciting universe was very smooth and exciting. I do understand where critics come from when they say it resembled Star Wars (I will not call it A New Hope) too closely--I really do. But I do think it was necessary in the sense that the goal was to please both lovers of the old movies while getting everyone excited about new characters. The Force Awakens had a wonderful combination of the old and the new, balancing new characters and plot lines with everything we loved about the old movies.
In the case of The Last Jedi, however, that same formula was (unnecessarily) attempted, but was executed in an outrageously poor manner. I'm sorry--actually, no, I'm not sorry--you cannot introduce new characters and plot lines in one movie and not fully commit to any of it in the sequel. My advice to Disney is to find a plot line and stick with it. I really don't have a problem with the fact that so most of the movie had no resemblance to the old movies. In fact, I think it's a positive step. What I do have a problem with is trying to please everyone in every way by attempting to crate some form of demented mutant hybrid that has long since passed it's expiration date. Either branch out from the old stories or don't. Stop complicating everything.
Even though it doesn't seem like it from my review, this movie did have some redeeming qualities. I will admit there were a few scenes here and there that had my going, "Oh, yeah! Woo-hoo, that's what I'm talking about! That was awesome!" Most of them involved my best friend Braxto--er, I mean, Kylo Ren--and either Rey or Luke with lightsabers. I truly loved the dynamic of those characters, and they were a lot of fun to watch. I just wish there had been a lot more development and screen-time with them as opposed to all of the other garbage I had to deal with. So I give the screen-stealing award to Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver, with Mark Hamill receiving an honorable mention, even though he was reduced to a discount curmudgeon Yoda for most of it.
Well, there it is. Now, I know what you're thinking: "What's next? Is that it? Well, tell us the rating! Isn't that the point of all of this? Is it theater-worthy or not?" Forgive me, but I know full well that this is simply one of those movies you're going to see either way. Whether you go to the theater or not (which I'm sure you all will), you're going to see this movie. Period. Seriously, come on. For crying out loud, it's Star Wars! Not that anyone actually bases their movie experiences solely from my reviews, but still. So, to answer those questions from earlier, I'll simply say...does it matter?
Comments
Post a Comment