Ah, yes, the age of reboots has finally reached it's next stage. Instead of merely having crummy useless reboots, now we're having crummy useless reboots...with women! Way to think outside of, yet push right up against the box, guys.
Indeed, Ocean's 8 is a thing; and--not to brag--but it went just about how I said it would. Granted, there were redeeming qualities, but not nearly enough to make it noteworthy or interesting. It has some positive reviews that are somewhat valid (67% on Rotten Tomatoes), but even they have a vibe of, "Yeah, it kind of sucked, but we don't want to say it."
As you'd might expect, Ocean's lack of originality is probably the biggest culprit of it's mediocrity. I know, I know, the fact that it's a reboot takes true originality off the table. However, a reboot of a premise can still have elements of originality without having an entirely unique narrative. Granted, this is very difficult, but it is possible. Movies like the new Planet of the Apes trilogy, 21 and 22 Jump Street, and the first two installments of the recent Star Trek films did it quite well. Although, to be honest, I don't understand nor enjoy Hollywood's infatuation with reboots in the first place. But, if one must be done, it might as well be done well.
I'm torn about my feelings regarding the cast. On the one hand, there are several Hollywood A-list actresses that I thoroughly enjoy. Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, and Anne Hathaway are all brilliant Oscar-winning actresses. I love all of them. To be honest, though, it becomes increasingly difficult to appreciate them when they have to work with the execrable Mindy Kaling. She was painfully unfunny in The Office, The Mindy Project was asinine, and her role in Ocean's is merely a continuation of her usual schtick. Indeed, I'm left in the dark as to how she keeps getting work. Additionally, Rihanna, while easily the most attractive of the crew (and I actually like her music), still can't act her way out of a paper bag.
Furthermore, the roles played by Bullock, Blanchett, and Hathaway are completely below their range of ability. I know not every role requires an Oscar-worthy performance, but come on. Hathaway's role in The Princess Diaries required more range than her role in Ocean's. It's just a shame to see brilliant actresses wasted in a participation of the Cash-Grab Cast Corollary.
One thing I did enjoy, though, was that the heist itself had an interesting spin to it. I mean, don't get me wrong, the entire thing was as ridiculous as it was predictable. But it had more elements to it than I would have expected. The means of which Clooney & Company pulled off Ocean's Eleven was more surprising, but the means of Ocean's 8's heist was still pretty fun. However, while it was interesting, that element left it to be ever more absurd. I'm not saying that Ocean's Eleven was realistic, but this heist had far too many moving parts for it's own good.
Additionally, I was bothered that everything was pulled off so easily. The entire movie had close to zero conflict or suspense, and was so smooth that it was just irritating. Sure, it was stylish, but any minor hiccup in the plan was resolved faster than it appeared. I mean, seriously--something has to go wrong at some point. I mean, even Tower Heist was more suspenseful than this.
In closing, can someone please tell my why we even needed to reboot Ocean's Eleven in the first place? It's not like it was released that long ago, and it was perfectly fine the way it was. I have no problem if you want to make a female-oriented heist movie. Truly, I don't. I actually think it's a good idea. But if you think re-making the same movie from 17 years ago is supposed to be "empowering," it just isn't. If you want to make a female-oriented heist movie, it seems to me that it would be more progressive to give them their own unique story and allow them to be impressive characters in their own right. Re-making an older, better movie just to give it a female cast is just unnecessary and juvenile.
I expected worse, but I'm still giving Ocean's 8 a basic 56%. Truthfully, though, it is worth seeing once it's released on
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