It's not that I haven't seen a kids' movie in the theater since I started Theater Worthy Pics (or have I?...I'm genuinely not sure), but I certainly haven't reviewed one. Unless, of course, you view comic book movies or Jumanji as kids' movies; which is fine--that's your prerogative--but I don't, and this is my channel; which means I can do what I want. So, boom!--roasted. *drops mic
It's truly a shame that the first kids' movie on my blog is Hotel Transylvania 3. Granted, I'm not a particular fan of kids' movies, but many still have their moments. In order for me to enjoy a kids' movie, it has to be a very specific brand; a brand of which Pixar has mastered. Notice I only said Pixar, because many Disney movies are garbage (*gasp!). Pixar has a few I don't necessarily care for, but they only have one blunder, so I'd say that's pretty darn good.
Frankly, there are very few animated movies outside of Disney/Pixar and Shrek that stand the test of time. Regardless, I spent three different nights putting myself through all three Hotel Transylvania movies. Don't ask me why (don't wait for answers, just take your chances). From that, I've concluded that there are definitely worse animated movies out there, but there's still no good reason to sit through this schtick.
I'll admit that I'm at a bit of a quandary when it comes to reviewing animated movies, particularly those made by (and starring) Adam Sandler. Everybody's opinion of him is already baked-in, which means that any of his new releases won't change our opinion of him. I hope that simply saying the Hotel Transylvania movies are Adam-Sandler-animated would tell you everything you need to know, but that's not why you're here. So allow me to elaborate.
I don't even want to get into all the needless details of all the ways Hotel Transylvania 3 (and basically all Adam Sandler movies) fails on the moviemaking front. I'll hit a few specifics, but the bulk of the failure lies in the narrative, which is utter nonsense. I actually thought Hotel Transylvania had some redeeming qualities, but all of them were in the rear-view mirror by Hotel Transylvania 3. This third installment is nothing more than a series of loosely related, inane scenes that barely masqueraded as a plot. It just jumps from one instance of nonsensical gibberish to anther, demonstrating as much thought as is typically exhibited by its target audience.
Additionally, virtually every character is stupid. There were some characters that I enjoyed in the first movie--or even the second--but you can't even call them the same characters by the end of the third. Whether it's Sandler's Dracula or any of his counterparts, the lack of consistency of the characters in these movies is astounding. And you might claim, "But Eric, characters are supposed to change throughout the course of a movie (or several movies). It's called an arc. Duh." You're right--characters are supposed to change--or develop--as a result of the movie's events. What they're not supposed to do is become wildly different people depending on the situation predicated solely upon convenience. To which you might say, "Well it's just a kids' movie!" Yeah, well, so is Toy Story, which is a masterpiece.
On a similar note, the voiceover work in the movie is....meh. It's OK, but not memorable. Hearing several voices of famous celebrities can be fun, but there's nothing impressive about the voiceover performed by any of these actors. Sandler's Dracula was unique, but mediocre at best.
To be fair, the main thing you're looking for in a movie like this is entertainment for your kids. Either that, or you just have terrible taste in movies. In either case, little kids (or folks who enjoy terrible movies) will get a kick out of Hotel Transylvania 3. The point is obviously for it to be a lighthearted comedy; which, I suppose is true, as long as "comedy" is used quite loosely. In all honesty I did laugh from time-to-time, but anything more than a chuckle at a few minor gags was nonexistent. The rest of the "humor" was either slapstick garbage, bad puns, or juvenile toilet jokes.
At this point I usually hit a few more aspects of filmmaking more thoroughly, but Hotel Transylvania 3 didn't even abide to basic codes of filmmaking, thus rendering any criticisms moot. Maybe that was by design. Kind of like how it's impossible for a bald person to have bad hair day. Clever move, Sandler. Your movies still suck, though.
I mean, this movie was bad, but it's nothing worse than what you'd expect. Walking out of an Adam Sandler movie being surprised that you just sat through an hour-and-a-half of mind-numbing fatuity would be like walking out of a Tarantino movie because it was too violent. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a fun moment or two (through they were few-and-far-between) from Hotel Transylvania 3. Plus, it accomplished what it set out to do, even if what it set out to do was to be irrefutably foolish.
All that means I'll give it a 41%, barely deeming it worthy of streaming on
The prerequisites, of course, being that you have little kids to entertain. Or you just have poor taste in movies. "Not that there's anything wrong with that." (But there should be.)
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